our failed adoption

Our Failed Adoption and Why It’s Ok

Hey Mommies! I’ve been missing from the blogging world for quite a few months now but plan to get back to it. The reason is our failed adoption.

At the beginning of the year, we had an unexpected opportunity to adopt a baby girl. However, after 2 months of having the baby girl, the adoption failed, and we returned the baby to her father.

So as my first post back to blogging, I thought I would share about our failed adoption and why it’s okay.

The whole adoption process was incredibly stressful, overwhelming, and emotional, but it’s okay. We’re okay, and have found the silver lining in the whole experience.

My husband and I have been quite content with having 1 child. I’ve had no desire to be pregnant again. However, I have said for a couple years now, that if an opportunity came up for adoption, I’d want to do it.

After our failed adoption, this is what we learned and why we’re okay with the outcome:

1– It was just the right thing to do- Many friends and some family members were shocked and appalled at the turn of events. They asked if there was anything we could do and if we could fight to keep her. We probably could have fought, but 1. our chances of winning were slim, and 2. if we did win, we couldn’t live with ourselves or the thought of telling our future daughter that her father wanted her, but we fought to keep her. As a parent, you have to think far beyond your wants and needs, and do what’s right for your children.

2– We know what it’s like to transition to two children- As a mother, a friend, a therapist, a blogger, I can better relate, sympathize, and empathize with parents who have more than one child. The experience provided a new level of understanding for multiple child families. I feel like I can use my experience to better relate to other moms and understand what they are going through.

3– We understand the process of adoption- Our adoption experience was quite different from most because the opportunity fell into our lap. However, we still had to go through all the steps and it was quite the learning experience. Again, I can now relate to what others go through, and I also know that I have no desire to go through the process again.

4– I learned that my method of sleep training seems to work!- My son was an excellent sleeper. He was sleeping 8-9 hours by about 8 weeks. I thought maybe I was just lucky. I used the same method with the new baby and she was starting to sleep about 6 to 7 hours right before we gave her back. She was about 7 weeks old. I checked in on her some the next couple weeks and found out she was sleeping through the night! Stay tuned, and I’ll share my process. It may not be for everyone, but it worked twice for me! 🙂

5– I have no regrets- Adoption is something I talked about and wanted to do for awhile. Our failed adoption was an incredibly emotional experience, and did not turn out the way we planned. However, I do not regret it. What I would regret is never doing it.

I would have always wondered what would have been, and I would have wanted to try and pursue another opportunity. I now know more about myself, what’s right for my family, and have answers to some fairly big life questions.

6– This one might sound harsh, but my husband and I are truly happy and content having just one child. We found that adding a second child adds so much more work. It makes it harder to go out and do things, and created more division in our family. We felt we had to divide and conquer to make sure each child was taken care of. And we felt like someone was always slightly neglected.

I know that it likely would have gotten easier as time went on. And, had we been able to keep the baby, we would have 100% made it work. And maybe, as she got older, we would have a completely different outlook. But, based on our brief experience, we are personally content with just our little family of 3.

Now, I’m ready to get back to the blogging world! Our failed adoption was a very personal experience, and influenced my life as a parent, friend, therapist, and blogger. Future posts will likely contain some references to this experience, and I wanted to share what happened so you all knew.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

By: Emily Bettis, MOT/L

Emily Bettis, MOT/L is a pediatric occupational therapist and mother. She has been working with children birth-5 since 2008 and has been a mother since 2013. Emily is the founder and author HeyMommies.com

5 thoughts on “Our Failed Adoption and Why It’s Ok

  1. Gaga cried the minute she saw this picture! I am not over the loss. I find myself running from the kids departments because I can’t bear to see the little girls clothes as it brings back the pain of the loss. It was definitely the right thing to do and I have never doubted that decision. I just gave that little girl so much of my heart that the pain of losing her still rips at me. Emily, Micah and you are amazing! I love you and your little family of three! So glad to see you blogging again!

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